This Nearly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce, and a majority of those divorces involve children. If you and your spouse are divorcing, you are probably curious about how you will tell your children. Divorce is hard on them, but there are ways that you can ease their fears and reassure them from the start. Below are five important tips to keep in mind when you tell your children that you are getting a divorce.
Telling your children about your divorce might seem pretty straightforward, but it’s never quite as simple as it seems. Doing some prep work will make the conversation flow more smoothly, and it will give you the information you need to answer any questions that might arise. Your primary goal is to make sure you tell your children that the divorce is not their fault and that you will always love them. They need to know that even though you and your spouse are ending your relationship, you will never end your relationship with your children.
A five-year-old won’t understand the same kind of information as a 15-year-old, so it’s important to plan what you will say in an age-appropriate way. Remember that your small children rely on you for everything, but your older children are more independent. This will absolutely impact the way you deliver the news of your divorce to them. Be sure that you consider their needs based on their ages and address any concerns that they might have based on those needs.
If it’s at all possible, it is best to tell your kids that you are getting divorced as a team. Not only does this give your kids more reassurance, but it’s also good practice for the co-parenting challenges that you and your ex-spouse might face in the future. Be sure to give them only the details they need to know and keep arguments, disagreements, and similar grievances regarding your spouse to yourself. Your children deserve to have parents who can behave amicably for their sake, so use this time to practice.
For most children, change will be the driving force behind their fear, so it’s important to do everything you can to alleviate that fear early on. The best way to do this is to remind your children of the constants in their lives. They have parents who love them, siblings, pets, and other constants that might apply to their lives. If dad will still be there to take them for ice cream every Saturday, tell them. If mom will still be there to tuck them into bed at night, tell them that, too. These things will ease their fears and anxieties to make the transition a little bit easier.
After you’ve told your children that you are getting a divorce, remember all the things you said to them and be sure that you keep your word. Don’t let anger or personal problems keep your children from visiting their mother or father as promised. Remind your children that you love them as often as you can, and make it a point to have an amicable relationship with your ex-spouse for the sake of your children. Co-parenting can be difficult, especially after a hurtful divorce, but it is possible.
Telling your kids that you are getting a
divorce can be heartbreaking, both for the parents and for the children. These tips can help you make sure that you limit the amount of pain and anxiety that your children feel as a result of your relationship ending. Don’t be afraid to seek professional counsel when it comes to co-parenting. It can make the transition smoother for everyone - including yourself.
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