Most divorces follow the same general set of legal proceedings from one state to the next, but no two divorces are exactly the same - especially when children are involved. If you are in the early stages of a divorce, following the steps below will help to ensure your children’s well-being throughout the entire process.
When you initially file for divorce, it’s important to make sure that you’ve included your request for custody and child support in the initial request. If at all possible, both parents should come to an amicable custody agreement. Not only does this make the court’s job much simpler and easier, but it’s also easier on the children. Furthermore, the sooner you file for child support, the sooner you can start receiving the payments necessary to supplement your own income and provide for your children.
When their parents divorce, children often fear that their time with one or both of their parents will be cut short, and in many situations, this does come to fruition. Usually, the children live with one of the parents and go to the other parent for visitation. It’s important to note that unless the court orders it, and as long as you and your ex-spouse agree, you can still see your children outside of those visitation hours. Going to school-related events and sports activities gives your kids some additional security, as does taking them out to dinner or going to the park one or two days a week.
Coparenting is critical to your children’s overall well-being, and while it may be difficult, it’s important for divorcing spouses to put their differences aside for the sake of their children whenever possible. Children will blame themselves for their parents’ fighting, so if they see or hear arguments - particularly about themselves - they can become withdrawn and even depressed. Try to discuss parenting issues with your ex-spouse where your children cannot see or hear it, and never use your child as a messenger. Instead, if you want to talk to the other parent, call them or talk to them directly. Children are easily overwhelmed when they are asked to deliver messages back and forth, and this can be detrimental.
Finally, one of the best ways to ensure your children’s well-being during one of the most difficult times in their lives involves maintaining open communication as a group. Change is difficult for children, so they will need reassurance from both of their parents that everything will be okay. While it’s important to be honest with them about the changes they can expect, it’s even more important to remind them that they are loved. Sit down as a family and tell your children that even though you may not be a couple anymore, you still love them and you are both available to them around the clock, whether in person, by phone, or even online.
If you have a protection order against your child’s other parent, it can be extraordinarily difficult for children to understand the reasons why they can’t see their mom or dad. Use age-appropriate language, and remember that there are resources available to you if you need them. Social Services can put you in touch with numerous local organizations that can help your children understand these changes in their lives, so don’t hesitate to reach out if you find that your child is struggling to understand or cope.
If you are starting the process of getting a divorce, it’s important to consider your kids’ well-being and safety from the very start. Whenever possible, try to see past your differences for the sake of your children. Maintain an open line of communication, accommodate visitation outside of the court-ordered schedule when it benefits your children, and never hesitate to reach out for help from your local organizations.
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